Today, last year, I returned to Norway from Namibia.
Today, last year, I thought I knew how I would always feel about my work in Namibia. I believed my friends when they said that, eventually, you only remember the good times. However, I remember laying awake for hours – because it hurts when wounds heal. I remember feeling dizzy, even as I told others that it’s okay, the water will come back – I’m sure. I want it to stay this way though. I want to remember. I need to remember.
I cannot remember the good times I had with Jesse, without remembering how it hurt when she died.
We tell the stories we think others will listen to. The rest just quietly slips through the cracks. People like to hear about events that are funny, dramatic – Exciting! But sometimes, sometimes the stories of the little things are the stories that should be told. Because when something ends, you remember, not what happened once and was amazing, but what happened every day – and how that made you feel.
Two things that happened every day, but that I rarely talk about, are the sunrise and sunset. They were unlike any I had seen before, or that I have ever seen after I left.
Today, last year, I left a place I learned to call home.
Today, this year, I know that it wasn’t, and that that’s okay.
Today, next year, I might have a different opinion – and that’s okay too.