The examinator called my name and I stepped up. “The assignment is to change the stoma and teach the patient how to do so himself.” I was overjoyed. Over the last few weeks I’ve spent hours upon hours practicing the different tasks we could receive, and this one I felt confident in.
My patient ❤
The exam began. And it went wrong from the beginning. Suddenly I couldn’t remember the order of things. Suddenly I couldn’t explain my actions. I drew a complete blank on the first two questions she asked me. My pulse quickened. My breathing became shallow. Nothing about my hands resembled the firm, yet gentle, touch of a nurse.
With real patients I’ve never wavered. But with this doll? My hands were shaking.
“Tell the patient what you’re thinking,” the examinator said. Our eyes met. I didn’t need her to say it out loud to know what she was thinking. I refused to give up though. I struggled onward and made awkward conversation with the doll. It went a little bit better, but not nearly good enough. The last minutes were miserable ones.
I’m sorry for the awful treatment this time, but at least you know that I know better.
The nerves really got the better of me this time. What’s worse, I can tell you exactly where I went wrong. When push came to shove I choked – I couldn’t show my knowledge when it mattered. Have any of you ever experienced something similar? If you haven’t, be glad, because it downright sucks.
I had a bad day yesterday. First I overslept by an hour, then I was completely unfocused at school – and to top it off, I overcooked my yummy-looking fish.
There was only one solution – yoga. I used to do it regularly, but that’s years ago now. However, I’ve been thinking about getting back to it. Stretching, lots of breathing, and relaxing – sounds like what every stressed out student needs, right?
Wrong. Oh so very, very wrong. Twist this way, bend that way, and get those elbows to the floor! It was torture to peaceful music. To make matters worse, my mokey mind refused to shut up. It kept going on about push-pause injections, and oh-my-god-this-pose-hurts.
Perhaps some days are just like this. No matter how hard you try, it just won’t do. Thank goodness for tomorrows. Thank goodness for sleep being twist- and bend-free. And thank goodness whoever invented the “Destroyer of universe”-pose, is far, far away from me.
Because I don’t drink coffee. But I do have so much to tell you.
It’s been several weeks since I suddenly stopped posting (again). I’m back in Norway, back in school, and have already had my first exam. In two weeks I have another. Ususally we have our exams at the end of the semester, but the second year Nursing students will spend months at the hospital, so the idea is to get the exams out of the way.
The days are becoming shorter and shorter, but feel longer and longer.
I don’t blog that much about it, but studying Nursing is hard. In this week alone we have done (on each other): peripheral venous catheter, sub q pain pump, several different injections, and nasogastric tube. There’s been a lot of blood. Suffice to say, I’m tired at the end of the day.
It took a couple of tries, but everyone finally found a vein!
Despite the struggle, I’m happy. I’ve started dancing again, I’m spending more time with the people I care about, and ultimately doing more of the things that I love. I just often find myself exhausted. I wish I had more energy to blog. I haven’t even answered all of your amazing comments. I have read them though, and appreciated Every. Single. One.
Thanks for sticking with me through it all!
Lastly, I just want to wish you well. Feel free to tell me about what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone! And if you’ve had a bad week, remember it’s almost Friday. It’s almost Friday!
Some days I’ll do anything to avoid being productive. Cue Netflix. However, the other day I had a nasty shock.
Netflix has cancelled their production of my favorite show – Sense8. The last season, season two, left the viewers with a massive cliffhanger. Now I’m never going to know how it turned out. My only comfort is that I can rewatch the first seasons again and again (and again).
It feels like I’ve been robbed. Robbed of future good moments, of intense excitement, and of heartfelt agony and triumph for and with the characters. Which show am I now going to look forward to with the same childish joy? Which show can I turn to, that can provide me with the same crazy plot and lovable characters?
I might be overreacting, but how could you Netflix,
HOW COULD YOU?
In loving memory of the greatest show Netflix has ever produced.
Some days it’s okay if the only thing you did was breathe.
And sometimes, it’s okay if that’s what you wish you did – and hope to do tomorrow.
If I could go anywhere – where would I be headed right now? In this instance, probably back to bed. My classes really start too early this year. But if I look past that, where?
The first part of 2016 was all about dreams. I finally traveled Norway, I volunteered in Australia, and I did more of the things that makes me happy. In the last part of the year I started Nursing School. It was a roller coaster of emotions, but eventually I settled in in my new home, and I guess you could say my new life.
Nothing is easy, but most things are possible
When I dream, I dream big. I want to go to places I cannot get to. I want to experience things I probably never will. To me, dreaming is innocent, dreaming is for everyone, and dreams are not meant to be contained. For a while last year I stopped dreaming, stopped because I thought it would make me unfocused, because nursing is a dream – and dreaming two at once is simply too much to ask.
My heart is almost always restless
Today I realized I was wrong. Of course I can dream several dreams at once. I can want to travel the world and still want to do my best at school. I can dream about Antarctica at the same time as I try to understand neurology. Dreaming is scary; it is frightening to open oneself up to the possibility of failure – of never seeing the dreams through. However, dreaming also makes one creative, and so this year I resolve to travel, even though I’m studying. I resolve to find a way to make the most of 2017.
And to share it with all of you.